Ethical? No. Funny? Yes.
Part I

My roommate is stupid.

I mean, like I've said before, I rarely have to put up with him. He's not in here much. Still, when he is, he's stupid. He happens to be in the same Western Civ class as I, and we have had to write papers about historical texts. Simple papers, nothing fancy. 3 of them only one page. (There are ~200 students - the teachers don't want word inflation with all that to bother with.)

More recently, we had to write a 5 page paper on Sallust's The Conspiracy of Catiline. This book was paired with The Jugurthine War. We did not have to write a paper on The Jugurthine War.

My roommate didn't know this. He came in Tuesday night and asked exactly what we were supposed to write about.

"What did you write about? There's a lot about money in here."
"Well, it's not so much about money as it is greed."
"Yeah, the Romans were greedy people. Is that what you wrote about?"
"Well, no. You're supposed to analyze one of the themes of the book and try to make a statement about Roman culture. Why did Sallust write so much about greed?"
"Because the Romans were greedy."

I found the first paragraph of his paper on top of the trash the next day. A printing error, I suppose. I read it.

Did he turn this in?

And the answer? Yes, he did. And so much more.

That first paragraph tempted me. It was quite possibly the stupidest few words I had ever read in my life. I had to read the rest of it. So I hopped onto his computer, found the file, and emailed it to myself.

But wait, what's this? There were two other papers on his computer! One was for the same class. And it's almost as funny! There's another one about the leadership of Napoleon and Lenin.

So, internet, today I present to you his one page paper in which we were supposed to find a common theme in 2-3 of 4 selections of writing from 500-400 B.C. The first, The Funeral Oration of Pericles. Second, Plato's The Apology of Socrates. Third, Building Accounts of the Parthenon and Inventory of Its Treasures. Finally, Euphiletus's A Husband Speaks in His Own Defense, in which a husband explains his killing of another man for commiting adultery.

I'm going to add commentary, too. In bold. Whee!


Power Hungry Greeks

In the short inserts of the book,”Not exactly a master of punctuation Sources of The Making of the West, People and Cultures” the author is trying to bring out a certain theme that is common in the Greek culture. Which author? There's more than one piece of writing, here. The theme that the author is trying to bring is a theme that the author wrote, and then the author brought about a theme. Theme theme, author author across is the hunger for power. The author editor Katharine J. Luadi, uses several short inserts to prove her point.

In the short insert titled, “The Funeral of Oration of Pericles, Pericles is driving home the fact that power is a must. Actually, he's driving home the point that Athens is better than any other Greek poleis. But that's irrelevant. Many times throughout the short insert Paricles who? reminds his people that they should not be the followers, but instead, people should be following them. I'm confused. Not for one second allowing any nation to think they have any power. Not for one second using correct grammar or coherent thoughts. Thus snatching it up for their own use. Thus causing me to mock you over the internet. The power hunger continues in the second reading titled, “ The Apology of Socrates” in which Socrates attempts to defend himself from being executed. Oh, that power hungry Socrates!. Socartes OMG IM NOT SWIMY is falsely accused of corrupting the youth, and is put death but three power hungry politicians by the name of Meletus, Anytus, and Lycon. But what? What did they do? Oh... Buy. Buy. By? Bi? My roommate must be bisexual. That's the only answer. These three are only trying to bring down Socrates in order to show the people of Greek ¿las personas de Griegas? that they have power, and they will use it when the fell I hate falling. I scraped my knees once when I was a kid. True story. need to. Thus leading to a power hungry Nation hell, why not just put the whole word in caps? Or the whole paper? THE POWER HUNGRY NATION OF GREEKS IS OGING GOINTIO GET USU SONOINEHONN0N!!!!! of Greeks, which eventually lead to a their down fall b their enormous impact on all of human civilization or c their rocket bikes from the future.


See, I have the right to mock this because I'M AN INTELLECTUAL!

Tomorrow, I plan on giving you his Napoleon/Lenin paper, complete with comments. The day after, his 5 page Sallust paper - the single worst piece of writing ever written by an author. (...You'll see.) I hope you all appreciate the humor I bring you! I slave over this hot stove several hours a day.